We spent the next two days in the hospital – the most tiring yet sweetest two days of my life. Unfortunately, my post-partum recovery was as challenging as my pregnancy (if not worse), so we hired a nanny to help us out after we came home. I never expected childbirth to be so damaging to a woman’s body – my joints and bones have all loosened and they get injured very easily. I have pain all over my body, thus couldn’t care for my little girl as much as I wish. She’s almost seven weeks now — my wrist/thumb pain has prevented me from bathing her and holding her in certain positions, my lower back pain has made it difficult for me to breastfeed her while sitting, and my bruised ankles and heels have dimmed my hope of carrying her around and rocking her to sleep. There’s nothing more defeating than these shackling physical challenges. When can I be free from them?
Frustration aside, I’m determined not to let these difficulties get the better of me. I will remain upbeat and have faith in optimism’s healing power. I’m a mom now, aren’t I? The way I live my life and the way I overcome the challenges it presents are going to be the beacon of light in my girl’s formative years, so no more whining, frowning, sighing and crying in front of her! Toughen up Mommy, and smile!
As I’m about to conclude this babbling piece, I just realized that I never mentioned my little baby by name – Audrey. The name was chosen for three reasons: 1. I like names starting with letter A; 2. It means “noble strength” according to the old English origin, which I wish my baby girl have; 3. I want her to be as elegant and graceful as Audrey Hepburn, my favorite actress. Of course I hope she likes the name I picked for her as well. But I probably won’t know that until she’s in grade school. J
In two weeks, our nanny (experienced, kindhearted but controlling) will be leaving and I will be on my own taking care of Audrey. Though it will be daunting because of my physical restrictions, I actually look forward to that. In the past few weeks, Audrey sleeps with the nanny in her room, still, I can’t help but miss her when she’s only ten feet away. Sometimes I toss and turn in bed, wondering if she’s sound asleep or wide awake. I would then look at her pictures in my cell phone – the cute little face melts my heart every time. Soon I will be able to have her to myself at night. Physically my sleep deprivation will be more severe, but emotionally I will be much more peaceful.
Today, my dear Audrey has come to this world for 48 days. She’s brought infinite joy to us, and I just want to tell my little angel – mommy loves you so much, to the moon and back.